Synergy Teacher Training opened up windows to my heart and soul that had been closed for a very long time. It breathed awareness and feeling into the very depth of my being. The loving guidance and unconditional acceptance of my teachers and classmates created an environment for us to experience the science of yoga and gave us tools to integrate it into our personal lives.
It seemed like the 10 days unfolded like magic, beginning with the first moment we introduced ourselves in circle. During that circle time, one of our teachers, Charles, had prepared beautiful cards for us with a single word hand-scribed on them. He placed them face down in the circle.
After introductions, he asked us to think about what we would like to take away with us from our training. During my meditation, I thought about openness and transformation. We were then told to go to the middle of the circle and pick a card with that thought in mind. The card I picked was beautiful and it said “Yin.” Okay, it made sense, I am female and yin after all – but I wondered how that applied to opening and transforming. The thought lingered and softly simmered during the training.
After the first few days of teacher training, it became clear that eating meals was going to be a problem. We were taking two classes a day (sometimes) and with a posture clinic in between. I don't like to eat 2-3 hours before a class and our schedule didn't allow for otherwise in the afternoons. So I opted for having tea first thing in the morning and lots of water. After my first class, I had a light snack – usually a smoothy and then didn't eat again until the evening. My energy level was always great and I never had any headaches.
About day 3 – 4 into our training, I discovered that food wasn't really a problem any more because all that I wanted any more was asana and breath. My best yoga classes happened around that time. I felt light and centered. During one class after the final pranayama my whole body felt like it was vibrating and I just wanted to stay in the space forever.
Our teacher, Peri, arranged for our class to go to a Puja, special chanting, and potlach on the second night. It was a feast for all of my senses. When we chanted a mantra that was given to me by my first teacher, Swami Vishnudevananda, “Om Namah Sivaya,” I felt like I had come home. At the end of Puja, when we bowed to the alter, I had to think for a moment before prostrating because I didn't really understand all of the sacred symbolism. I bowed anyway for all of the intention that was in the room and at that very moment I felt a shift in the way my heart felt. It felt completely open and at peace.
I began to notice somewhere during the middle of teacher training that our teacher, Peri, kept saying “lead with your heart.” Unconsciously, I started doing my asanas with that intention on a physical level. However, as we started doing emotional release work with Laura and the Sun Sal process, I made a connection about leading with my heart on another level. It was life-transforming.
About three years ago, I started going to therapy to learn how to grieve the loss of my dad. He died when I was a freshman in high school of a “heart” attack. It was overwhelming for the entire family and feelings were buried and not talked about.
My grief resurfaced after my kids were born. I had home births with both of mu children and was able to stay at home with them. When they were young, even though I loved being a mom, there was always an underlying feeling of sadness. I remember feeling like I needed mothering and didn't really understand why.
As the kids got older and closer to the age I was when my dad died, I became depressed and had very low self-esteem. I still didn't really know why I was having these feelings.
I took very good care of my family but pretty much ignored taking care of myself by not getting regular check-ups or exercising. When I finally went in for a check-up, I discovered that I had a lump in my breat and pre-invasive cervical cancer. I was devastated. But fortunately, I finally ended up in therapy. My therapist helped me to intellectually understand my feelings of loss. She gave me an anchor to help me stay afloat.
It was by the grace of God that I was also led to Peri and the Yoga Room at that time by way of a friend who worked at the Yoga Room in exchange for classes. Peri took me in under her wing and I worked in exchange for classes. I started doing Gentle Yoga once a week and then progressed to Synergy after a few months.
It took about a year to be clear of the pre-invasive cancer. The yoga was also helping me to feel better about myself. I didn't think that things could really get much better until I took Synergy Teacher's Training.
Synergy took me to another cognitive level in dealing with the grief about my dad's death. In a traditional therapy setting, I was able to grieve on an intellectual level. Through emotional processing and asanas, I was able to grieve with my heart and body. I have always been afraid to open up my heart entirely to anyone because of fear of loss; I don't feel afraid anymore of anything including my own security.
I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. When I look back on the past, I can see how everything that I have experienced has brought me to the point where I am now. I trust that my life is unfolding according to God's plan and feel blessed with his grace.
I asked for opening and transformation during our first meditation and received more than a glimpse. Synergy Teacher’s Training has given me tools: asanas, meditation, nutritional guidelines, and especially the Bhagavad Gita as a means to further my personal growth on the path. I am optimistic that the practicum will further help me to open doors, integrate what I learned in Teacher's Training, and to become a good yoga teacher.
– A.M. |